


Emptiness

by Dapple_ishh



Category: PJ Masks (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Connor angst, Connor is disowned, Flash Fic, Flashbacks, Rejection, again oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 06:49:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19718398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dapple_ishh/pseuds/Dapple_ishh
Summary: He couldn't manage the emptiness he felt in his heart, he couldn't and no one understood that. How could they ever? All of their lives are perfect, their families are perfect, they are perfect. But he wasn't; he wasn't and that torn his family apart.





	Emptiness

Connor tiredly inserted the keys into the door and opened it, entering his house. Physically he felt drained, he had physical education and had to stay for an hour over at school, but emotionally? Heck if someone ever understood.

He was  _ hungry _ , he hadn’t eaten anything yet nor had breakfast, but he didn’t feel like doing himself something worthy to eat, not like he felt that he deserved it either. He dropped his bag on the floor and hang the keys right beside the door, he looked around.

Everything was quiet, no one was home; his brother moved away a month ago and his mother was working. He walked into the living room and sat on the couch, feeling lonelier than ever. Today was not a good day, but these day none were.

He put his legs up on the couch and turned on the TV, putting on one of his favorite TV shows: The Flash. He relaxed and half-way smiled as he watched the show; Grant Gust was his goddamn crush, he came to the conclusion.

His smile faded away;  _ a crush on a boy. _

He paused the TV show and stared ahead, with his eyes heavy. Maybe,  _ maybe _ , if he at least liked girls and boys,  _ maybe _ his father wouldn’t have left; or anyone that he cared about for that matter.

His brother moved away, and his farewells weren’t exactly… warm; they felt empty, cold. His mother overworked herself, barely stayed at home, and when she did, she barely paid attention to him. He sometimes would hear her cry in the middle of the night, and glasses almost empty of wine would appear in the sink the next day. 

Had he broken his family? Yes, he absolutely did, and he hated himself for it. 

The lonely feeling became stronger this time, giving him a headache. He did thank Greg, even Daniel, for taking care of him, but it didn’t feel the same; it felt even worse, to have someone else care for you because your family won’t even talk to you. 

He sighed and lay in the couch, his head against a soft pillow he had left the day before. He was used to this now; not sleep at all, go to school, come home tired, try to sleep with no success, repeat the cycle all over again. 

He wanted to be around his friends, he wanted to seek comfort in them, but how? Amaya had the best father someone could ever ask for, and Greg’s family was perfect; they were only a reminder that his family fell apart because of him. 

A curt sigh escaped his lips and his chest felt tight. He wanted to be around someone that could love and care for him that didn’t remind him of what happened, but he had no one. 

He wanted comfort from his mother, but he was not getting that in a while. He wanted to lay down with Greg and cuddle with him, cry into his shoulder for hours, but the boy only reminded him what his family will never be again. He wanted hugs from Amaya, wanted to tell her everything, but she reminded him of the son he’ll never be. 

A harsh sob echoed around the empty house, cold and dim, and more followed. His little wails filled the quietness and his tears decorated his cheeks. He hugged himself, suddenly feeling colder than ever, and turned around.

His cries were drowned by the pillow and the closeness of the back of the couch to his face. He cried himself to sleep, hungry and alone altogether. 

When he woke up a few hours later, the house was darker, nighttime has probably arrived. The TV was on, playing a random TV show, but the sound was off. A heater was on near him and he was covered in a comfy blanket, he called. “Mom?”

He stood up and walked around the house, only to find no one. He unlocked his phone to send her a text but saw that she left him one instead. 

_ Took an extra shift tonight,  _

_ I bought you some food,  _

_ I love you, dear. _

Connor stared blankly at the phone, and with a dull expression, he left it on the table. Calmly he walked over the fridge and took the food his mother had bought for him, putting it in the microwave. He prepared everything he needed and with a dim white light illuminating the kitchen, he waited for his food.

Once warm, he took it and put it in the table, sitting in front of it. Outside was snowing slightly, and Connor silently watched it fall. There were times he would enjoy it, but these days he didn’t enjoy anything.

For what mattered, he didn’t feel joy at all. 

He turned back to his food, watching it, then looked at the three empty chairs. 

A warm ambient filled up the room and giggles filled the air. He felt joy and he made the brightest of smiles. A delicious home-made dinner decorated the table, the smell making him feel hungrier.

He watched his brother sit and followed his mother, eagerly waiting for his father to bring the best part: the dessert! 

Once he brought it, he sat and everything felt right. Everyone was at their places laughing, his parents looking at each other with warm. Connor felt happy, and he looked out the window, where snow was falling calmly. 

The smile faded and he turned again at his plate. His food was getting cold pretty quickly, and not caring about it, he took a bite, chewing slowly with the fork in the air. It was colder than expected, but he didn’t feel like warming it up again.

He finished and left everything on the table, going back to the couch, laying down and trying to close his eyes, not even wanting to watch TV.

Everything was not perfect anymore, and it was all thanks to him.


End file.
